How To Be Fabulous (While Getting the Guy of Your Dreams)
by Blueninjamanga22
Summary: He's smart, nice, thoughtful, gorgeous. He's perfect. Not to mention he's madly in love with me . . . he just doesn't know it yet. How to win your guy over in simple, easy steps all while looking totally fabulous the entire time. LietPol, T for profanity.
1. Lesson One

_**Lesson One:**_

_**Know Who Else Understands the Art of Being Fabulous**_

There are very few people who understand the complicated art of fabulousness. California got it, and she liked to brag about it to anyone who'd listen (I love her to death, but that can _seriously_ get annoying.) Ecuador got it, and he often corrects the people who he thinks doesn't. And for the love of God, _France_ has got it to a point where he literally sparkles with fabulousness, which is one of the highest points of the art.

No one, however, is as fabulous as I am. No matter how fabulous you think you are, I'm still Poland: king of fabulousness. And it's something that I'm very proud of.

So therefore, the three of us (California, Ecuador, and I) form a tight circle of fabulous. Considering their some of my closest friends who live in other countries, we've had to work out times to call each other to talk. Meaning I don't mind being up late, Cali doesn't mind being up late; and Ecuador (the lucky little shit) only has to be up at noon.

At my designated time, I sat on my bed, munching on a couple of good 'ol Polish snacks and called both of them. I glanced at my nails; I really should paint them. But what color? You can never go wrong with pink, can you? And red is a Polish color . . .

"_Hi~_!" California's voice was peppy and probably worth a million dollars. By the sounds from the line, she was probably dying her hair again.

"_¡Hola!_" Ecuador also sounded busy, so my best guess is that he was picking out an outfit.

"_Hallo_," I said, munching on a snack. "What's up?"

"_Oh, Polly, did you get the magazine I sent you_?" California asked. There was the sound of something dropping in the background, a bottle of some sort. "_Shit_!" Yeah, she was definitely dying her hair.

"Yeah," I said, flipping through the teen-something-or-another magazine. My English is a bit rusty, so reading it wasn't going to be easy. "Isn't this, like, an old issue?"

"_Uh, no, I had someone, like, tots told someone to fly over and put it in your mailbox_" California said this as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Cali was incredibly rich, so she could afford to do things like send someone to put the newest issue of an American magazine in his mailbox, and with other twenty thousand or so dollars to spare.

"Why'd you, like, send this to me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow even though she couldn't see it.

"_Horoscope_?" Ecuador suggested. "_Hey, if you guys could pick a white, eggshell, black, or midnight top for me, which would you pick?"_

"What pants are you wearing?" I asked.

"_Jeans,_" Ecuador answered. "_With a brown belt; I think I'm going to wear boots today_"

"Then go with an eggshell top and get a black jacket," I said. "White does go pretty well with your skin tone"

"_I'm with Polly on that one_," California agreed.

"_Oh, that'd be cute_," Ecuador sounded like he was smiling. "¡_Gracias, amigas_!"

"_But I didn't send you that mag for the horoscope, though you, like, might wanna take a look at that. It's interesting,_" California said. "_I sent it to you because there's a poll on there I want you to take, it's on page 26_"

"What's it called?" I asked.

"_It's called 'are you really crushin'_?'" California said. "_We're gonna see if you_ really _like Lithuania as much as you think you do_"

"_OMG, Cali, can you just let that fucking go_?" Ecuador sounded annoyed. "_So what if he likes Liet, it's no big deal" _

"_I don't believe it_," California sounded angry. "_I mean, like, come _on_! _Lithuania_,_" she refused to call him by anything other than this name. "_Is stupid and weak and Polly could do _so_ much better than him—_!"

"Cali, shut up," I said, clenching my teeth. I'd been Cali's BFF ever since she became a state, you'd think she'd be a little happier for me. "You don't even know him, you're too young"

"_OMFG, I'm not that young_!" Cali huffed. "_Jesus, just take the quiz. It's not that long_"

I picked up the magazine and flipped to page 26, and there it was. _Are you really crushin'? _waswritten in pink, bubbly letters across the top with a heart for the 'I' in 'crushin.' There was a sentence below it that really made my heart speed up a bit: _do you really have a crush or do you have a close best friend_?

"Cali, are you sure this is necessary?" I sighed.

"_YES_," she shrieked. "_Now quit stalling and answer the questions_!"

"_Say them aloud, k_?" Ecuador asked. "_This could be interesting_"

"K," I huffed in annoyance, and then read the first question. "'Have you known this person for a long time?'"

"_Have you_?" Ecuador asked.

"OMG, it's like you don't even know me, like, at all" I rolled my eyes. "Of course, he's been my BFF since, like, ever"

"_Your _Guy_ BFF_," California reminded me.

"Yes, my guy BFF," I said.

"_I thought I was your guy BFF_!" Ecuador exclaimed.

"You're my Guy BFF #2," I explained.

"_I get a title, that means I'm special_," California's voice was cocky.

"_No fair! I wanna unique title_!" Ecuador whined.

"Fine, fine!" I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Liet's my guy BFF, Cali's my girl BFF, and you're my Mexican BFF"

"_WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING MEXICAN_?!" Ecuador shouted. "_HOW COULD YOU EVEN MISTAKE ME FOR MEXICO? MY NAME IS FUCKING ECUADOR!" _

"Jesus Christ, Dory, calm down," I said quickly. That was a stupid move. "It was a joke! You're my _Hispanic _BFF"

"_Better_," Ecuador huffed. Either way, to him, calling him a Mexican was better than calling him a Peruvian.

"_So, next question_," Cali said.

"Yeah, ok," my eyes searched the page. "'Have you liked them for longer than a month?' _Pfft_, try more than seven hundred years. Question three: 'do you unconsciously do things that remind yourself of him?'"

"_That's a weird question_," Ecuador pointed out.

"_It's asking if you do things that remind you of him without realizing it_," California explained.

"Who does that? That's, like, so freaking creepy—" I stopped, and then looked at my nails. I'd made a green base, with red and white polka dots.

I waspainting my nails in the _Lithuanian colors_.

"Hey, guys," I said, carefully. "I, uh . . . I think the answer is 'yes' to that question"

"_The hell for_?" Ecuador asked.

"I'm, uh, I'm painting my nails in the Lithuanian colors," I said, and I didn't even stop myself from giggling. "I mean, I didn't even, like, realize I was doing it!"

"_Polly, you were right_," California said. "_That's pretty freaking creepy. I don't even know what the Lithuanian colors _are"

"Well it's a good thing you don't have a crush on him, then," I snapped.

"_You DON'T have a crush on him, Polly, you're being tots ridiculous_!" Cali exclaimed. "_You _cannot_ be my gay best friend; I already have a gay best friend_"

"_You have a gay best friend_?" Ecuador asked.

"_Yeah, Pablo, my hairdresser,_" California answered. "_And having two gay best friends will, like, tots cramp my style_"

"Well excuse me for cramping your style!" I retorted. "Shut up and let me finish this poll!"

"_What's the next question_?" Ecuador asked.

"Question four is 'do you think about them a lot?'" I read, and then scoffed. "I think about him enough to, like, take this stupid poll for him, that's for sure. Then it's question five: 'have your friends noticed a change in your behavior since you started crushing?'"

"_Yeah_," California admitted.

"_Oh, definitely_," Ecuador said. "_You get all giggly whenever someone mentions him, and you get all red when you say his name_"

"_Not to mention you go all ape-shit if someone says something bad about him,_" California added. "_And after you saw him, all you ever wanted to do was talk about him_"

"_Lithy's, like, so tots funny_!" Ecuador mimicked in a dreamy, girly voice.

"_Lithy's, like, so totally ceh-u-tuh_!" California exclaimed in a voice that sounded like a hormone-attacked teenaged girl (and I do _not_ appreciate her slaughtering of the word 'cute'.)

"_Lithy's, like, so totally smart_!"

"_Lithy's, like, so totally cool_!"

"_Lithy's, like, so totally nice_!"

"_Lithy's—_!"

"I get it," I snapped. "And _thank you very much _for answering question six for me, 'do you talk about them a lot?'"

"_You're welcome_!" California and Ecuador shouted in unison.

"Ok, last question," I said, reading the final question. "Question seven is 'when you think about the future, are they always included?' Well, duh"

"_You wanna be, like, married to him or something_?" Ecuador asked. I only giggled in response.

"_You answered yes to every single question_," California sighed. "_Ok, fine, I guess you, like, do have an honest-to-God crush on him_"

"Oh, no, I don't have a crush on him," I said, and then paused for the dramatic effect. I could hear their shouts of confusion through the line, and then exclaimed. "I'm _in love_ with him!"

There was a pause.

"_FELIKS ŁUKASIEWICZ—_!"

I only hung up; I knew what they'd say to something like that, that they'd call me irrational or stupid. But my mind was totally made up. You can't have an on-going crush on someone for hundreds of years without it turning into love, can you?

I studied my nails, and then picked up the magazine. Interesting poll or not, this was a new issue. Let's see what's going on in the U.S. . . .

Why the _fuck _would you name your daughter 'North West', Kim? I hope that poor girl can change her name. As long as we're set on directions, why don't we name her 'South West' or 'East West'? I for one hope she changes her name to 'Wild', then she can be 'Wild West'. Or maybe 'the Wicked Witch of the West'. Maybe she can change her last name and be 'West Germany.'

This was so genius, so I just had to call them again.

"Guys!" I exclaimed as soon as California and Ecuador picked up the phone. "I just, like, thought up of a bunch of tots awesome new names for Kim Kardashian's new daughter!"

* * *

_**Those new names for Kim Kardashian's daughter are thanks to my friend. She's also the same friend who I based Ecuador on, since she's Ecuadorian and totally fabulous.**_

_**Lithuania's going to be showing up in the next chapter, considering this is a LietPol story. **_

_**In Shades of Blue,**_

_**Ninja**_

_***BAGPIPES EXIT!* **_


	2. Lesson Two

_**Thanks for all the reviews; they made me feel all warm and fuzzy and I like that warm and fuzzy shit. So thanks.**_

_**I don't own Hetalia.**_

_**Lesson Two**_

_**Dress to Impress **_

When my phone rang for the eighth time, I decided to answer it.

I'd been hiding under my covers for what could've been eight or so hours, I don't know, maybe more; a night, at least. I was pretty much surrounded by buckets of ice cream, empty liters of soda, and about three or four bags of chips.

My hand did a little dance around the bedside table, knocking over my alarm clocks and a couple of spoons. I grabbed the phone, and then clicked the answer button.

"You've reached the clinically depressed bad friend hotline," I muttered, sticking another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. "Please leave a message"

"_Poland, are you ok_?"

I stopped for a moment, raising an eyebrow in thought. "Uh, who is this?"

"_You seriously don't recognize my voice_?"

California and Ecuador had been calling me nonstop ever since I updated my Instagram ("I'm sad :(" had been the post.) I figured this call would just be one of them bugging me again. "No, sorry"

There was a sigh. "_It's Lithuania_—"

"_Liet!_" I nearly jumped in surprise, my phone flying out of my hand and across my bed. I scrambled to grab it, screwing up my bedcovers and sending potato chips flying everywhere. "Liet, you're alive! I can't believe it! Has he tortured you?"

"_What_?" Lithuania sounded so cute when he was confused.

"Torture, Liet, has that Russian psycho tortured you in any way?!" I exclaimed. "Is he keeping you in his evil dungeon of doom?"

"_Poland, how would I be able to call you if I were trapped in an evil dungeon of doom_?" Lithuania asked.

_Smartass_

"I dunno, I hear evil dungeons of doom have, like, really awesome Wi-Fi," I said with a shrug. "But seriously, has he hurt you?"

"_No, not me_," Lithuania's voice sounded . . . different. As if he was scared of something. Not like the happy guy who was my best friend; like someone who feared for his life. "_He picks on Latvia a lot, though. But I'm fine; we're all pretty much just working for Mr. Russia. And he's not making us live in an evil dungeon of doom_"

"Oh, that's, like, cool, I guess," I said, sticking a potato chip in my mouth. "So can I, like, see you any time?"

"_We're allowed to leave on Saturdays_," Lithuania said, and he said it so casually for saying words that made him sound like he was imprisoned. "_So maybe I can see you then_"

"Tots cool!" I was literally filled to the brim with happiness.

There was a crash and a scream of terror in the background.

"_LATVIAAAAAAA_!"

"Who's that?" I asked, sitting up. "What's going on?"

"_That's just Estonia, I think Latvia feel in the fireplace again_" Lithuania said, his voice sounding distracted.

"What do you mean _again_? Is he alright?" I asked, though my real concern was getting Liet keep talking to me longer.

"_The fireplace is really deep and it's never on, so it's always freezing in here_," Lithuania explained. "_And if he fell, he needs my help getting out and he probably got ashes _everywhere" even his sighs sounded exhausted. "_I've got to go; I'll see you on Saturday_"

"No!" I exclaimed. "Liet, wait—!"

The line went dead.

I bit my lower lip, and then quickly dialed California's number. "Hey, Cali, it's me. Wanna go shopping?"

* * *

"No, no, no!" I exclaimed, taking a seat outside of the changing room. "This isn't going to work"

"Well, ex-cuh-use me for trying to find you something that makes you look good," California rolled her eyes. "What's your deal, Polly? I've gotten you, like, everything you like to wear"

"It's not good enough!" I snapped.

"Don't take it out on her, _compadre_," Ecuador said, crossing his arms. "Just 'cause you're all moody because you, like, let the love of your life get taken by a psychopath while you're safe and sound, not to mention you didn't even have the decency to, like, apologize when you got the chance to talk to him earlier, doesn't mean you have to be all Oscar the Grouch on the people who're, like, trying to help you"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you being sarcastic?"

"What part of that sentence was sarcastic, _amigo_?"

"Whatever!" I huffed, resting my head between my hands. "This is special, guys; I want Liet to like me"

"Even though you, like, practically handed him over to the one guy he's feared ever since he was little?" California raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Cali, even though I practically handed him over to the one guy he's feared ever since he was little!" I snapped. "Neither of you are any help!"

"You're freaking out, like, way too much, dude," Ecuador sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sure Lithuania still likes you, he's not the kind of person to hold a grudge"

"Yeah, but all he'll wanna do is be my friend!" I exclaimed. "I don't wanna be in the friend-zone; I wanna be in the romance-zone! Do you _hear _me, Cali," I grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. "I wanna be in the _mother fucking romance—_!"

"Sir," one of the employees tapped me on the shoulder while glaring at me intensively. "You're scaring some of the customers"

"Oh," I let go of California's collar and took a step back. "Sorry"

"You better be," that would've been funny if she hadn't said it with such a straight face. The employee gave me the 'I'm watching you' signal as she walked away.

"You see?" I sighed, sitting down. "I'm a nervous wreck"

"Obviously," California scoffed, and then piped up. "But we can fix that! Just let Dory and I dress you, and you'll be fine"

I narrowed my eyes. "You don't like Liet, how can I trust you?"

California looked hurt. "Because we're BFFs, Polly, that's why. It doesn't, like, matter if I hate his guts and hope that he dies alone in an old J.C. Penny's wearing nothing but cheap Wal-Mart clothes with no one but Russia for company because _you_, like, like him and _that's_ what tots matters"

"Aw," I was beginning to tear up a bit. "Cali, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me"

"Who knew you could be so inspirational," Ecuador patted her on the back.

"I know, I know," California smiled. "Now, let's make you look _fabulous_!"

* * *

_**This is gonna be continued in the next chapter, I just wanted to keep this one short-'n'-sweet, you know?**_

_**In Shades of Blue,**_

_**Ninja**_

_***BAGPIPES EXIT!***_


End file.
